Top Ten Comebacks for Well-Meaning But Obnoxious Relatives

As you all know, I’m fat. I come from a long line of fat little Mexican and Italian and Irish women. Who are obsessed with their weight. I buck the trend, though, because while I care about what I’m eating, I don’t freak out about it.

So this post from the blog I just found called Elastic Waist. I think I’m a little bit in love with them.

Top Ten Comebacks for Well-Meaning but Obnoxious Relatives

We know that you’re cringing about the combination of food and older relatives who feel somehow invested in your size (be it a size 4 or a size 24) while you’re just trying to get your groove going with the giblet gravy. We’ve compiled a top ten list of responses in case someone dares to prod you about your weight.

  1. Oooh, do you really think you need another biscuit? “I don’t need it. I WANT it.”
  2. Do you know how many calories that has? “Yes, and I’m looking forward to every one of them.”
  3. I’m having a fat day. “Me too, isn’t it awesome?”
  4. You have such a pretty face. “You should see my pretty ass!”
  5. You’re too fat! “For what?”
  6. You look like you’ve lost weight. “I’ve actually gained 150 pounds, but I wear it really well.”
  7. You’ve gained weight since (whenever)? “Yes! Jealous?”
  8. When are you going to lose some weight? “Why do you need to know?”
  9. Response to someone talking about you behind your back: “I’m sorry, you might want to keep it down. I wouldn’t want anyone else to hear what an asshole you are!”
  10. And our all-purpose response for every rude question ever: “I beg your pardon?” (If they are dense and repeat the question, repeat yours. If they simply say it louder, ignore them for they will die clueless and unhappy and you will go on being awesome.)
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5 Comments

Filed under I'm Just A Girl, me being myself

5 responses to “Top Ten Comebacks for Well-Meaning But Obnoxious Relatives

  1. episcopalifem

    I luf this. LUF it!

  2. Pingback: Run over to Mary Sue’s and LOL « Eileen the Episcopalifem: Liberal, Progressive, Feminist, Episcopalian

  3. Paul

    Preach it, Sister Eating Woman! If God didn’t mean for us to enjoy food She wouldn’t have made it taste so good. Why do people think OUR bodies are THEIR business? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go back to drinking my 7th Diet Pepsi of the day. What was that? I beg your pardon.

  4. This is very timely for me since I’m getting ready to visit my family of origin. Since I no longer run marathons, I’m no longer a size 6, which all of them gleefully remind me.

    I’d already decided that the next time one of them says, “You’re FAT!”, I would say, “And you are RUDE! I can lose the weight…”

  5. I always recall Barbara Bush’s description of Nancy Reagan: “Nancy is a size five … so’s my thigh!”

    Fat chicks ROCK!