Welcome to 3am.

One of the more intersting thigns about having chronic insomnia is the fear of sleep.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m afraid of going to sleep when I’m tired. This logic, it is not our Earth logic. It’s crazy troll-logic!

It’s 7.30pm right now, and I’m afraid that if I fall asleep at this moment (as my body is threatening to do), I’ll wake up bright eyed and bushy-tailed at 1am. Which would put me in a bad way by the time the vestry meeting tomorrow rolls around, and we’re discussing hot-button issues. Me plus hot-button issues is equal to snakes plus plane: it seems like a good idea to let me loose on them, unless you’re the one stuck with me and them in a small space with no exit.

raar. fear my bloodshot eyes!

I love those people who say, “Well, you’ve got insomnia, you must get a lot of work/writing/reading/praying done when you’re awake in the middle of the night and you have no distractions.” No, when I’m awake and I can’t sleep, I’m curled up in bed with my eyes closed, trying to will myself back to sleep so I’m not slagged in the morning.

The world looks a lot different from 3am than it does from 2pm. Really, at 3am, you don’t care who’s got valid apostolic succession. As a matter of fact, you would kick each and every bishop in the lower 48 in the head if it would guarantee you a solid night’s rest.

And on those nights when you’ve seen every second from 3am to 3pm, that same sense of dissonance rings in your ears. You’re half a step outside of the ‘real world’, no matter how much coffee you drink. Advertisements are white noise, cars are loud and their petrol stink makes you sick to your stomach, polyester— oy. Don’t even go there. You have to slow down, because otherwise you might fall down. And from this lessened pace, you realise exactly how frenetic this world has become, you can see the stupid, silly, crazy arguments that divide people in a new light.

I wonder what would happen if we all spent a couple of nights sitting up together.

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5 Comments

Filed under my life, The Current Unpleasantness

5 responses to “Welcome to 3am.

  1. Just out of curiosity, why would you spare the bishops from Alaska and Hawai`i?

  2. My sleeping has improved since i gave up caffine. I gave it up because it gives me arthritis – which is a real pain. I get to sleep faster, and can get up earlier, and feel better when it happens. I can also alter my sleep schedule easier. It’s a clear night – get out the telescope, stay up until 2. Sleep books say you can move your sleep schedule back one hour per day, or forward three hours per day. So flying west is easier than east.

  3. Give up caffeine? That’s umpossible!

    I’ve got what is termed “Classic ADD”, which means stimulants don’t work on me the way they work on other people. Half a cup of black coffee at night helps me go to sleep, but it also eats at my stomach lining… That’s also why sleeping pills don’t work on me.

    I appreciate your try to help, Stephen, but they don’t give you the ‘chronic insomnia’ diagnosis unless lots of doctors have poked at you and given you lots of pills and told you lots of times “Just go to bed an hour earlier!”

  4. I used to drink Coke to get to sleep. My roomate claimed it was because i liked it warm and flat in the morning. He might have been right. It made no sense to me (at the time) that a stimulant should help you get to sleep.

    When i was younger, my attention span could be measured in days. Or months. My son (9) has one measured in seconds. Single digits. Sure, the stimulants can help him out. They help anyone.

    I didn’t say giving up caffeine was easy.

    I have several cures for insomnia. Try this one (once):

    Get ready for bed. Lie down face up. Be comfortable. Close your eyes. Think anything you want, but don’t get too excited. What is important is that you don’t move a muscle. Relax. At around the ten minute mark, you may feel yourself falling asleep. Roll to one side (that is, roll with it). When the alarm rings, wake up. (I still have alot of trouble with this last bit.)

    Or try this one: read my blog.